this blogging thing is getting to me. or maybe im just in a bad mood.
i hate when that saying proves true, "Man plans and G-d laughs." It makes me ill. Just when things look so promising...and I start to get really excited...that's when hell breaks loose and it all slowly crumbles at my feet.
And then I feel let down. Like I let myself down and I made it possible for others to get me down. And the only reason I let it get to me is because I put so much energy and emotion into what I do. Every action, event, activity...I really give it all too much of myself. So that when it inevitably fails me, I am left with a huge hole in my heart, in the exact spot where that enthusiasm and excitement was.
I would hate being numb. That's why I've trained myself to infuse everything with life and spirit. Everything has its reward or consequence and however much I put in I'll either benefit more from the increased energy or I'll just be hurt more when all does not suit my "plan."
But I cannot imagine changing. For all of the downs, there are so many more ups. Were I to not infuse as much energy into everything, my life would be just about as boring as anyone elses.
Nope - Nothing will get me down. I am the most determined, resolved, undeterred. I won't be broken.