MASHIACH - i never wanted him so badly till now.

I decided to vent here. To let out my fears and trepidations.
Growing up, I always viewed seminary as something only really, really religious girls did. I thought that I would be some big-shot intelligent businesswoman, with some kind of career, right? Well, boy, was I wrong. Here I am...DAYS from committing to something very serious. This year will ultimately define who I am. Or who I am not. Because the truth is that I never had my heart set on seminary. This is what really happened...
Last summer I went to Israel and not too surprisingly, I fell in love. With the land, the people, the lifestyle, the holiness, and everything else that comes with it. It was just cool. New. An experience. I knew that I couldn't stay away. I also knew that the only way I could live there (sooner rather than wait till later) was to apply to seminary. So I did. But Only after so much pressure! From fellow students, rabbis, teachers, my principal, and a brother or two. So I FINALLY got accepted. FINALLY. I hope no one has to ever go through that torure...
(ill continue in a few...this is wearing me out.)