AND NOW I AM FREAKING OUT
seriously losing it...Is this what I want to do? NO!!!!
How did I let myself get into this? WHYYyyy???? This is not me at all...
This is who I am:
The one who always makes the best of every situation. The one who smiles when you tell her "NO." The one who doesn't give in; doesn't give up.

I'M GOING TO DO THIS. I'm going to MAKE it me, regardless of how taxing it will be.
But Mashiach would still be real cool. Like RIGHT NOW.

MASHIACH - i never wanted him so badly till now.

I decided to vent here. To let out my fears and trepidations.
Growing up, I always viewed seminary as something only really, really religious girls did. I thought that I would be some big-shot intelligent businesswoman, with some kind of career, right? Well, boy, was I wrong. Here I am...DAYS from committing to something very serious. This year will ultimately define who I am. Or who I am not. Because the truth is that I never had my heart set on seminary. This is what really happened...
Last summer I went to Israel and not too surprisingly, I fell in love. With the land, the people, the lifestyle, the holiness, and everything else that comes with it. It was just cool. New. An experience. I knew that I couldn't stay away. I also knew that the only way I could live there (sooner rather than wait till later) was to apply to seminary. So I did. But Only after so much pressure! From fellow students, rabbis, teachers, my principal, and a brother or two. So I FINALLY got accepted. FINALLY. I hope no one has to ever go through that torure...
(ill continue in a few...this is wearing me out.)